My ADD life

Have you ever noticed that new love is like new life. With new love comes the feel of adventure and excitement in all that is around you. You find you have no time for the old things and instead want to spend every waking hour with this new creature in your life. Sometimes it is just like in the books and films about love. Everything around you seems good and right. I say all this and think well maybe thats how it is for me. Maybe I am the only one that sees life as one big spring season. Like the feelings inside you that are like new blossoms on the long dead tree or the new flowers opening their petals to the warm sun. Even though life is great and grand and all new it has its down side. For each person that downside is different and with each relationship its different. Sometimes its the lack of sleep because of being with or talking to the person all the time. Sometimes its the fact that you lose yourself by becoming so absorbed with this new creature. And sometimes its even the fa...

Today I want to talk about my ex, Cheryl. We were together for four years. During this time we danced, played and lived out our twenties. She taught me that yes white women can dance and she was very good at it. I still can not move my hips like her. She also taught me never to play Trivial Pursuits with someone like her. She never lost. I hate that game now. She loved to travel and we did do some of that together. She showed me that sometimes it’s ok not to plan out a trip. She taught me to have “pride” in who I am. Most of all she taught me to laugh at all situations, from tents lifting on the wind, to cow sounds in hotels. The shocker to all this is that we are still friends, and although we don’t talk often when we do it’s like we have never had silence between us.

I have found myself reading a lot of Lesbian fiction (mainly love stories) and I really need to ease up. Its not the sex or anything instead its what it does to me. First it makes me not want to do anything else but read. This is not good seeing as I have a job and all. I just can not get enough. Second it makes me question my love life. I hate that. I know that I am with the person I love and she loves me. The question comes in with are we each others soul mates. Am I truly the best person for her and she for me. I know that I feel very empty without her and miss her when we are apart. Since I grew up with a warped sense of love I just don't know. I look in the mirror and all I see is a plain, overweight, aging, sometimes bitter woman who feels in a hole. Ok yes I know this is depression and I need help. Alright lets just say I am overtired and very bored with life. And yet life just goes on. PS here is one of the books I have indulged in lately.

What you ask does that mean. Simply "don't ask don't tell". For those of you living under a rock for several years that is the military's answer to gays and lesbian serving in the miltary. When this issue first came up many years ago I had the same responce as I do today.... Why? Can these men and women not defend and die for their country just like a straight person, or a black person, or a jewish person. I really think that the major problem here is that the military is a manily male run organization and lets face it men think that all women and any gay man would be attracted to them. They are so afraid that the man in their unit would make a pass at them that they can't see allowing them in. I did read one article  in Think Progress that stated: "– 60% of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans believe that being gay or lesbian “has no bearing on a service member’s ability to perform their duties.” Only 29% disagree. – 73% of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans say i...

I am amazed that the South still is as closed minded as it is. I was born in the South and really have no desire to live anywhere else. Having said that this region of the country is constantly embarassing me. Now before I go and upset a bunch of people let me say I know this is the "Bible Belt". So what do I speak of? I'm talking about Constance McMillen  and the cancellation of her prom all because she wanted to bring her girlfriend and wear a tux. Rather than face the issue and try and solve the problem the school system decides to ruin everyone fun. The bad thing is that everyone knows why they cancelled the dance. Now let me just say that being gay and a teenager is hard enough but being gay in a small southern town has got to be hell. I know it was for me. I have to applaude this girl and her would be date for at least standing up and having a voice. I know this will not be easy for her but in many ways she is paving the way for others.

I have never been much on journaling so every blog I have started ends up dying. Today I decided I would keep this blog no matter. I mean it's not geared toward any one thing and it can just be about me and my head. Today my head is strongly in a movie I watched yesterday called "Loving Annabelle". I can not get this out of my head. In many ways it parralles my own experience and yet is totally different. My main complaint about this movie is that like many Lesbian movies it does not have a happy ending. It's no wonder that youg gay and lesbian people grow up thinking that they have to constantly switch partners. I mean if your life is always going to be one heart ache after another why work at it.