My ADD life

I think it is time to begin talking about my Mom and my life since she has died. I never knew that her dying would have such a profound affect on my life. Someone told me recently that since she died I have raised her to sainthood status in my mind. I don’t think that is true. I know who and what my mother was. I always saw her as a bitter woman one that was never happy. However at her funeral I saw that she had many friends and was loved by many. So about my mother. I never felt that she really loved me though I am sure in her way she did. I always felt strange telling her that I loved her. Like that in some way she would think me weak. Because of this I am not sure that I even know what love is anymore. I know that I also felt strange hugging her or showing any affection towards her. But despite all of this I did love her. I always wondered why she seemed mad at everything but I wonder now if she was just unhappy with us. In my adult life I always blamed myself thinking maybe it had...

Today is a day of pain. I am in many different types of pain. My bodily pain is strong today. Many times I can think away the bodily pain and I don’t feel it. This is not one of those days. My joints ache and sitting at my desk (which is what I do all day) hurts. Although I know standing would be no better. I am not a woman who sheds many tears but today there will be many shed. I am in emotional pain as well. Today seems to be one of those days when all of my loss is pouring in on me. The loss of not only my mother but the loss of a group community and the possible loss of a relationship. The loss of my mother seems to be hitting me hard today and last night. I was laughing about a conversation my sister and I had with our Dad about the birthday cards my Mom use to send us. She always included twenty dollars and we were trying to tell him she sent us hundreds but he saw right through the joke. That’s when it hit me I would not be getting that card this year that I so looked forward...

Mona also was a teacher and a friend. She was around when I was in the 6 th grade. She was our Music teacher. She instilled in me a love of music. Until I met her I had no idea that I could sing. I fell in love with singing with a little help. She also gave me the first lessons in self esteem. Until I met her I felt very little worth. I remember the first time she called me a nut and I was so hurt. Her response was “Nuts grow on trees, trees are part of nature, and God made all of nature”. She was the first to make me understand that ALL things made by God are beautiful.

Julia C is a teacher I had in Elementary school. I just loved/hated her. She was very strict and that is what I hated, because lets face it even then I was lazy. She however, saw through that and helped me see that science was not “bad”. She also fostered in me a love for science fiction and showed me that the imagination could take you anywhere. She helped me learn to cope with my abuse issues, though I never knew that until years later.

The Wise woman is actually Deborah Thompson-Wise and she is one of my mentors in EFM (Education for Ministry). I knew her before EFM but have gotten to know her much better since then. DTW as she signs is a wonderful person. She has taught me more about the Bible, religion, and theology than any pastor or priest ever has. Her insight into the spiritual world is amazing. I wish everyone could learn from her. She has shown me how to give a quite caring for those around you. She has shown me in many ways that I am stronger than I ever thought. She is truly the “Wise Woman”.

As those of you who have bothered to read my blog you probably noticed that I did not finish my women series. I do plan on finishing. In fact it is very important to me that I finish. I just had life get in the way right now. March 19 th my mother died. I have not been able to write about that or anything so far. The last month has been very hard for me and I do want to get on with life and know that I will, it’s just I don’t do well with emotional things. Maybe I will try and write a little a day, or at least try. For now this is the best I can do as I go through my grief.

Marita is an Angel. She is what I like to call Jesus here on Earth. I have known her for three years and each year I learn more and more about her. I see the love and compassion she has for others and it makes me want, no desire, to be more like her. She has taught me how one person can do so much and yet take so little credit. She has helped me see the beauty in the earth through pictures. She has helped me get excited about life when all I wanted to do was give up on life. She has helped me see the love and commitment that Dawn and I have for each other. In a word she has been my savior many times.