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Life and the ride

Life. My God when it’s going good things feel good, tension is easy, and life can be laughed at. But oh crap let it be going crazy and it’s like a carnival ride. The sad thing is that life is like that ride 99% of the time. What makes us who we are is how we deal with it. I don’t seem to be doing so well lately. My stress level is high, I seem to be anger ridden, and my poor ADD mind is jumping from one thing to another. I have learned that as a person with ADD I need, no I have to have structure. Without it I have no focus, I have no memory, and I have no idea of my life’s purpose. I don’t usually create day, week, year or lifetime goals because I never know where my brain will take me. I try and have habits and structure so that I can “live” my life. Meaning I do what I have to do to make it to work and home and then to bed for the next day. Lately my life has been thrown in chaos. Not that this is bad it’s just hard. It’s because of circumstances beyond my control. It may end up
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whats that you say

So here I am again a frustrated bundle of anger. This seems to happen a lot lately. It usually always has to do with my frustration over miscommunications. I say something and the other person does not understand. The other person says something, and just to be clear I repeat it back to them only to find out that’s not what they said. Now I don’t know if this is an age thing, an ADD thing or an I’m just losing my ability to communicate. Whatever it is it frustrates the crap out of me. As an example: For my job I design using computer aided drafting (CAD). Today I was given instructions on drawing a piece of equipment and my boss and I were looking at the paper and I said so you want me to put the pole here and drew a dot on the sheet, he agreed and I went off to draw. When I took it back in there he said I did it wrong and that you could not put a pole there and acted like I was an idiot. When I showed him the mark up he just said I misunderstood. Now if this was a onetime thing I
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Two post, one day, Wow that’s a record for me. I have several people in my life that always say I want to write a book. I say “Bully for them”. I myself have never had that desire. So why have a blog. To be completely honest I don’t know. I guess as an outlet. I don’t usually journal because I have had my journals read and my privacy invaded so why do it. It’s easier and safer to just keep it in your head. So now why blog. I guess it’s because I WANT people to read what I write. I want people to comment. I want my thoughts to matter in the universe. I hate paying attention to punctuation and verbiage (which is why I don’t write a book). I quite writing on the blog because no one looked and no one cared. I may stop again for that reason but for now I write to put my energy somewhere other than in my head.
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I know that many people are affected by the sun, weather and seasons. I may be to some extent but I would never know. See I am a cubite. For those that don’t know what that is, I dwell in a cubicle all day. I do not see natural sunlight, I do not know the weather. My office is an open hole with skylights in a concrete building. But you have skylights you say. No we had to cover those because it caused sunlight to hit our computer screens which caused us not to be able to see. So unless I get up from my desk and walk to the front of the building I never know what goes on outside. In the winter I get here in darkness and leave in darkness. Because I don’t have loads of money I eat lunch at my desk, so therefore I only see the outside when I go up front (which is not often). My point here is that my bosses love the “open feel” of our office. Really it’s not open as much as it is that they can see what everyone is doing. I only bring this up because since the beginning of the year it h
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It was brought to my attention that I have not posted here for awhile. I guess that’s because my interested has changed and drifted off to other things. Or it could be because I’m busy. It seems like I’m always busy, busy at work, at home and at play. Yes I am busy playing. Currently “Skyrim” on the PS4. I am absolutely obsessed. If you know the game I’m playing a female Kajaiit archer build soon to be assassin. Love the stories and challenging myself to stand still with an arrow loaded and wait. It’s so hard for me to sit still. I also have started using the app and website Habitica . It’s a program for goal setting and habit forming that makes your life a game. It’s hard to explain but if you like gaming and want to get some order to your life check it out. So far it has helped me start cleaning out my stuff. I declutter 10 minutes a day and clean 15. That does not sound like much but they are both very concentrated and I can see a difference. Besides I was doing nothing befor
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New Life

Have you ever noticed that new love is like new life. With new love comes the feel of adventure and excitement in all that is around you. You find you have no time for the old things and instead want to spend every waking hour with this new creature in your life. Sometimes it is just like in the books and films about love. Everything around you seems good and right. I say all this and think well maybe thats how it is for me. Maybe I am the only one that sees life as one big spring season. Like the feelings inside you that are like new blossoms on the long dead tree or the new flowers opening their petals to the warm sun. Even though life is great and grand and all new it has its down side. For each person that downside is different and with each relationship its different. Sometimes its the lack of sleep because of being with or talking to the person all the time. Sometimes its the fact that you lose yourself by becoming so absorbed with this new creature. And sometimes its even the fa
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The feeling of fear

The feeling of being scared is one of the worst feelings there is. For me this is what fear looks like. I get cold and I feel it down to my bones. It’s the kind of cold that takes your breath away and makes breathing difficult. No matter what you do the cold seems to permeate your soul. I feel trapped in my cold body and my body feels tingles all over. Although you may feel safe in a place all it takes is a memory or a thought to put you back into that fear. Fear does not mean you are in a situation where your life is in danger. It can be a fear of failure, of disappointment, loss, or even succeeding. I have been experiencing much of this fear lately. I am having to learn how to deal with it and live with it. However every once in awhile it creeps up and catches me off guard. These are the times I dread because these are the times when no matter how much you guard yourself and protect yourself you get knocked on your ass. It’s when you think you can trust someone and they do something
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