The feeling of fear

The feeling of being scared is one of the worst feelings there is. For me this is what fear looks like. I get cold and I feel it down to my bones. It’s the kind of cold that takes your breath away and makes breathing difficult. No matter what you do the cold seems to permeate your soul. I feel trapped in my cold body and my body feels tingles all over. Although you may feel safe in a place all it takes is a memory or a thought to put you back into that fear. Fear does not mean you are in a situation where your life is in danger. It can be a fear of failure, of disappointment, loss, or even succeeding. I have been experiencing much of this fear lately. I am having to learn how to deal with it and live with it. However every once in awhile it creeps up and catches me off guard. These are the times I dread because these are the times when no matter how much you guard yourself and protect yourself you get knocked on your ass. It’s when you think you can trust someone and they do something so unexpected and it hurts you that the fear punches you in the gut. So I sit here and I go over in my head what did I do or not do or how should I have responded. Although I know in my heart I can only be me and I can only do what I do. Still that sucker punch of fear hits and I sit here unable to breath.  

I figured it out its not fear as much as its an addiction. I was addicted to being with and near and around someone and now they are gone and I don't know why and I am going through withdrawal. Ahh it all makes sense now.... well sort of.