My ADD life

Marita is an Angel. She is what I like to call Jesus here on Earth. I have known her for three years and each year I learn more and more about her. I see the love and compassion she has for others and it makes me want, no desire, to be more like her. She has taught me how one person can do so much and yet take so little credit. She has helped me see the beauty in the earth through pictures. She has helped me get excited about life when all I wanted to do was give up on life. She has helped me see the love and commitment that Dawn and I have for each other. In a word she has been my savior many times.

Gayle was the Priest at the first Episcopal Church I attended on a regular basis. She was also the priest that I went through my confirmation with. She helped me see that God does not hold grudges. At the time I was in a low spiritual spot and would not take communion and she said “if you go to a guests house and they prepare a meal don’t you think it would be rude to not eat”. She made spiritual things seem easy to understand. She was and I am sure she still is a great Priest. Her sermons made me sit up and take notice as I always learned something from them. So to her I say thank you for leading me back to God. Thank you for being there when I needed guidance and leadership.

Today’s woman use to be a big part of my life, her name is Barbara. She is my ex’s (Cheryl) mother. I know you are not supposed to like your Mother-in-Law but I did. Barbara ran what we lovingly referred as the Dunwoody humane society and home for wayward homosexuals. There were five people (four of which were gay), six dogs and usually a cat or two living in one house with Barbara being the house mother. She took care of us and we took care of her. I learned that not all parents reject their gay children and some even welcomed friends and partners of their gay children. I miss our talks and our laughs. I learned that it’s ok to be a woman on your own and that you don’t have to have a man around unless you enjoy his company. When Dawn and I got together I sort of lost contact with Cheryl and her Mom and I regret that because I do miss Barbara and I miss her as a Mother.

Today I want to talk about my ex, Cheryl. We were together for four years. During this time we danced, played and lived out our twenties. She taught me that yes white women can dance and she was very good at it. I still can not move my hips like her. She also taught me never to play Trivial Pursuits with someone like her. She never lost. I hate that game now. She loved to travel and we did do some of that together. She showed me that sometimes it’s ok not to plan out a trip. She taught me to have “pride” in who I am. Most of all she taught me to laugh at all situations, from tents lifting on the wind, to cow sounds in hotels. The shocker to all this is that we are still friends, and although we don’t talk often when we do it’s like we have never had silence between us.

Today I celebrate my Therapist Connie. I was thinking what has she done or said that has shaped the woman I am…. Well jus about everything. I have been seeing her for about 9 years and in that time she has helped me through many crises. We talk about everything from history to current events. She is always on my side, and although I pay her to be on my side I think she would be anyway. In our discussions we found that in many ways we are very alike. The thing though that gets her here in this list is that she has helped me to see that I am a good person who can have emotions without falling apart. She has helped me to learn how to trust my own feelings and see that I am a strong woman. I am not through with therapy (God know I probably never will be) but I am a better person for it. I just wish more people in my family did it. So Thanks Connie for all you do, say, and don’t say. And thanks for saving my life.

It’s ironic that I chose today to write about my mother. This morning she went back into the hospital with heart problems this time. I fear that we may be getting to the end of her life, but she still kicking. My mother and I have a strange relationship. As a child I feared her and was always trying to get her approval. As an adult I have felt sorry for her. I look back and see someone who on the outside looks nice, happy and friendly.   However being inside the family I see someone different. I see a woman who I am not sure was ever happy. Don’t get me wrong I love her because she is my mother but it makes me sad that she is not nor can I remember her having joy. I get much of my stubbornness from her, which is not a very good trait. So today I worry about her and I think about her and I love her because that really is all I can do.

Today’s topic; my sister Angela. If anyone had told me thirty some odd years ago that we would be friend I would have laughed at you. When we were younger we fought all the time. We played tricks on each other and told on each other. At one time I thought I hated her. I am not sure when all of that changed but it did. When I was in my twenties I know I did not communicate much with her. This was mainly because I was too caught up in my Lesbian life. After I met Dawn, Angela and Dawn seem to become friends. When we decided to have a Holy Union we invited her (we thought she understood our relationship and somewhat supported it), this set our relationship back several years as she was very against what we were doing. It took many more years for the relationship to repair itself. Now though I think we get along great. When we are together we laugh till we cry and we tell each other our sad stories. I know that she is going through tough times and I wish I could help her. I am thankful tha

My women for the day are my best friend, partner, lover and soul mate. Dawn and I met at MCC Church in Atlanta in 1990. For me it was love at first sight. We still talk about our first date and laugh until we cry over the memories of that night (it’s too much to get into right now, remind me later). We have been though some really hard times that included being unemployed, sickness, deaths and separations. We also have had some really good times like, vacations, Holy Unions, our animals (or our children) and being together. She has taught me much over the years and I have taught her. We decided that one of my callings from God is to be her spouse, because had I not been there she would not be here today. She knows me better than myself sometimes (which can be scary) and can read me like a book. Without her I feel very incomplete. So this blog I dedicate to her. The she in me.

So it’s women history month and on the way home yesterday I started thinking about products for women. It started when I was watching a women walk in front of my car with these shoes that were spiked and pointy. In my head I thought “you know some man had to come up with that idea because no women would think of that torture”. That led me to thinking about dresses and how I hate them but some women love them and this led to how at one time all people, including men wore dresses (You can see the ADD working in my brain). I wondered when this just became a women thing. Then I went back to the shoes and thought you know if the shoe hurts why wear it. I mean if my feet hurt I am so miserable. If I don’t like what I wear I am miserable. However, being short and rotund, most clothes are not made for me. I really like sticking to my jeans (or khakis if at work) and tees (or golf shirts at work). I should not, although, think ill of those women who do like the fashion they wear. I just don’t u